Being a "nice guy" vs being a "good guy"

For this entry, I'm going to touch on another topic that seems to pop up across social media quite a bit lately - "the lament of the nice guy", or "Nice Guy Syndrome" as I call it.

No doubt many of you have heard the saying "Nice Guys finish last", with a fair bit of argument and counter argument. Personally, yes I believe that "Nice Guys" have a bit of a rough ride - This is largely their own fault however - GOOD guys however tend to be a little more successful in their endeavours.

The main reason for this being that the stereotypical "nice guy" is usually a guy that will provide a shoulder to cry on, listen to a females problems and 'go out of his way' to do nice things and 'earn her trust'. This is all fine and well if he was being a genuine friend. The whole problem is that he is not. The concept of the 'nice guy' is fundamentally dishonest - they are not doing it for the sake of being a friend, they are doing it with the ultimate goal of hoping that she will 'fall for him' or that he will 'get into her pants' in the long run. Then, when the 'nice guy' is shot down by said female friend because they are simply not interested in said 'nice guy' in any romantic fashion, or the female friend finds someone that they ARE romantically interested in, they turn nasty, often giving a tirade about 'betraying their friendship', or going onto the internet and lamenting over the now stereotypical phrase 'Nice Guys finish last". You are not the 'victim', you did not 'finish last', she is not 'being unfair' or 'taking advantage of your kindness'. It is her body, her decision, her life. RESPECT IT.

In contrast, a GOOD guy is there for someone, to listen to her, to provide a shoulder to cry on, without any expectation of reward, without treating it as a means to an end, as far as the 'good guy' is concerned, the friendship itself is the reward, anything that may come afterwards is simply an added bonus. A true Good Guy will be a lifelong friend, be there for you through thick and thin, give you advice when you need it, be your shoulder to cry on and more. If you sense some growing irritation or uneasiness over the course of time, the guy may very well fall into the 'Nice Guy' category. If you find that they are quite comfortable in the situation and clearly have no 'expectations', they more likely fall into the 'Good Guy' category.

Sadly, sometimes the 'Good Guy' is mistaken for the 'Nice Guy' and is kept at arms length or treated with hesitancy when all they want is to be treated like they deserve to be - as a good friend. Then when you hear the classic phrase "Where have all the nice guys gone?", it really should be corrected to "Where have all the GOOD guys gone?" and you should know where they have 'gone' - they have been snapped up by someone who realises what a treasure they have found and jumped at the opportunity.

So, this is a message to the guys out there: Be honest to yourself, be honest to your female friends. If you are hoping for something more romantic than a mere friendship, TAKE THE JUMP AND ASK. Don't beat around the bush being a 'nice guy' and then when someone else beats you to the punch, lament about 'nice guys finishing last' - you only have yourself to blame. It's better to confess your interest early and if necessary, move on. All you are doing by hanging around with artificial 'sincerity' is hurting them and hurting yourself.

Also don't fool yourself and don't try to fool them. If you are going to be there when they need you, do it for the sake of being there. Don't do it with the expectation of 'earning brownie points' or with the hope that they may one day 'fall head over heels for you'.

Most importantly, if they turn you down, don't be an ass about it! Is it really worth losing a good friend over the fact that she is not interested in 'jumping in the sack' with you?

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